Since I'm (absolutely not) SO GREAT at posting with any sense of regularity, I have a whole term of happenings to record... Of course, that's probably not going to happen, as it's almost 5am and I have to write a (whole) research paper before Monday (read: tomorrow), so HIGHLIGHTS!
One thing that I think the whole universe just NEEDS to know about is my love life (or debatably lack there of).
I had one of the most awkward moments of my life a while back. Of my life.
In my desperate attempts to find a lover (NO SHAME. [well, just a little/a whole goddamn lot]), I downloaded the apps Grindr and Scruff. If you don't know what these are (which is probably for the best), they are gay dating apps that show you all the people with the app around you, and how far away from you they are (which is actually kind of [really] creepy). A lot of people use these apps as a means to find people to hook up with and have casual sex, but a lot of other people (like myself) use these apps to survey the queer scene, form friendships, or hunt for people to potentially date.
Explanations completed, one day I was browsing the meat market (sometimes, sadly, that is what it appears to be) and found a guy who piqued my interest. It should be noted that this was an older man, and while I've never pursued a man of age (not SUPER old) before, I thought it could be a good opportunity for self-exploration. So, we get to talking, and eventually schedule a date. Said date would consist of grabbing some pizza, and then going to a movie. In chatting (IMing) with this person, I thought we had a decent connection, and was pretty down with this.
Come the time of the date, I was totally running late (I HAVE ISSUES WITH MANAGING MY TIME, OKAY), but then I actually got there on time, so no biggie, go me. So, I get there, and look around for the guy, and I can't find him. He eventually comes up to me, and I was surprised, because of course he looked nothing like his picture. He also had this really horrible goatee, and he totally reminded me of my father, and it was just really really (REALLY) awkward. I feel kind of really mean saying all this, but he was just kind of pathetic. At least my father has the redeeming qualities of knowing what he wants, some passion/drive, and a fiery, competitive, fuck you spirit. This guy had very (VERY) little going on in his life.
As the date progressed, I just really wanted out of there, and eventually went to the bathroom and TEXTED MY FRIEND, ASKING HER CALL ME WITH AN EMERGENCY. It was that bad. I did nor want to spend another couple hours (or minutes) with this person in a movie (or at all). So we leave pizza, are walking to the movie theater, and I get the call. Of course, then I decide to not take the call because I felt too guilty (LIKE A POOR, BEAUTIFUL, NAIVE FOOL), and sat through a painfully long movie with this guy.
When we got out, I gave the old "thanks for a pleasant time (LIE)," and gave him a hug. PRAISE THE LORD a kiss didn't happen. He asked me if I wanted a ride back to my house, and I'm all "NO THANK YOU I LOVE COLD NIGHT WALKS" and booked it out of there.
As I'm walking home, I run into a couple of my friends who were walking downtown to do bar karaoke, and of course I join them because I NEED A DAMN DRINK. Or five.
This is my life.
Awkward followed by awkward smothered in awkward with an extra topping of MOTHAFLIPPIN' awkward.
I'm actually super amused by this in retrospect, but god, in the moment, SHOOT ME IN THE FACE.
xoxo,
a
No comments:
Post a Comment